Why I don’t do headstands. Part 2. Acceptance.

Dealing with pain is tiring beyond belief - something you may already know. Whether it is physical or mental pain, it takes its toll. Life becomes a huge struggle and everything is different to how it was before. No one could see my pain, it was hidden beneath my smile. I am a happy person with a big smile so the easiest thing was to just keep smiling. But eventually the cracks started to appear. I was crumbling inside. Over time it seemed that my bad neck defined me. I did my best to hide it but it became difficult to mask the constant pain and gradually I had to withdraw from activities, meals out, sporting events and weekends away because I was struggling to hold my head up to speak to people and I felt so miserable I simply wanted to hide away. My spirit was fading fast but it was in these darker moments of my life that my yoga practice took on a whole new meaning… 

As my health deteriorated and my neck became increasingly weak, I wasn't able to keep up my strong Vinyasa (linking breath with movement) practice. It was too much for my neck and I would often experience a flare up in my muscles after class leaving me in bed for days. I felt frustrated initially but gradually it dawned on me that perhaps I needed to adapt my yoga practice so that it would offer me more space, time and the chance to reflect inwards. It wasn't just on my yoga mat that I needed to find this change of pace and acceptance; I was living my life at a hundred miles an hour and it wasn't sustainable. My wake up call came the day I visited a pain specialist. She politely told me she wouldn't consider any medical intervention or surgery until I got my life in check.  She went on… "your neck isn't like everyone else's neck, so you need to deal with it. Accept it. Your neck is like a 90 year old neck and you need to work out a way to preserve it". A lot changed for me that day - it was time to embrace my circumstances and work out a positive way to respond, one day at a time.